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New Year Resolution 2012

Lead a balanced life: balance between the Word & the Spirit, balance through using my time very wisely, balance in character (heart/mind), cultivation of a sound mind & a steady emotionally life that can only be rooted through walking with Him closely every day … etc. 

P.S The notion of a balanced life elaborated below~ this statement/resolution is the key/lays the continuity for all the other resolutions.

Drawing the thin lines….

• To not neglect reading newspapers, finding out what’s happening around the world and taking an interest in other stuff too; not always talk abt God God God etc~ thats the only thing i know my general knowledge veh bad- need to expand knowledge so that i can engage with people more effectively. That is, take more interest in what my friends are interested in so that i can understand them & connect with them in a better way, and in other spheres of life as well.
• Study the Word as much as i study for school; that said, it’s super hard to put in the same amt of time in reality. Therefore to start small & realistically, put in ***  amt of time per day for it –> this is to build biblical knowledge which i sorely lack, and allow God to reveal Himself to me through the Word as well. Note to self & caution: it’s not about building knowledge though, rather at the end of the day it’s really to memorize scripture and to meditate on it day and night. Start with memorization first, don’t accumulate knowledge for the sake of it –> application: to be more effective & guided in prayer, & better able and equipped to spur on my friends/give encouragement to them just as they have given so so much encouragement to me & spurred me on. Love, at the end of the day, love for God and love for others, should b the only motivating factor to study scripture, and it really is the passion behind why i chose this resolution. Must work around this basis/foundation & motivation, so that focus will not be derailed/i won’t get caught up by it.
• Learn to take care of myself: not everything is about the inside~ must learn to dress my best for God, for my friends, for family… it is a form of showing respect to the friend that i’ll be going out with, or abt dressing my sunday best because God deserves the best from me, inner AND outer. Caution: don’t indulge it in or be excessive about it or it may lead to pride & vanity!
• Take more initiative: in cooking, helping out around the house etc. I’M ALREADY 22 :O WAKE UP DIVINIA you’re not a kid any longer time to take more responsibility!
• Pray like never before, take rest & joy in him everyday!

Rest.oration.

Full rest can only be found when i abide in You. thank You God for turning my gaze back fully towards You, and for taking me back under the shadow of Your wings even though my heart had strayed away the past few days. thank You God for such wonderful wonderful friends, and a dad and mom who is so sensitive to Your Holy Spirit, so loving, so full of wisdom – i really don’t know what i did to deserve them; all these people who brought emotional, spiritual, physical comfort & healing.

‎“It is wonderful what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces” – Samuel Chadwick (what Daddy posted) 

God, i give back to You all the pieces that were broken before, into Your hands of restoration. Remould me, refine me, remake me~You have my heart Lord. Help me to stay focussed on You and You alone.

Your goodness overwhelms me.

Reflection (1)

Matt 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness & all these things shall be added unto you.

Been reflecting on last sem ahead and wondering what is it abt the semester that made everything in the semester such a blessed one, and one that was filled with the joy, peace and favor of God….What God is trying to tell me through it, through my experience with Him, and through even the gift of my results. Because of there’s one thing I wanna take out frm the past sem on a personal level, it’s defn what God is speaking to me, in a more general n holistic manner, about my education life~ and I believe the verse above really encapsulates all of it. There are more specific, private stuff that I’ve learnt along the way from my Heavenly Father who loves to discipline so (but in such a loving way that sometimes the knowledge of His care and concern overwhelms the pain ~ giving me reason to rejoice).

This being a private blog however, I shall mention them more generally:)

-His Kingdom or My Kingdom?: this wraps up the hypocritical attitude towards serving. Through observations n experiences, I realize that not all who claim to serve God actually serve God, sometimes there is a tendency to self- service. Building up a kingdom of knowledge, wealth, power, leadership titles or even friends and connections, something which is mentioned in Matt 6 abt storing up treasures on Earth. Being in a leadership position is, I still feel, the toughest thing ever, because there are so much more things to wrestle with. Popularity, prestige etc. There is so much more responsibility a leader has to carry…not only the responsibility of planning, of leading, or of the pple, but personal responsibility and accountability as well. This semester, I found myself taking extra caution because of being so fearful of falling into pride, into hectic schedules that make me go into the routine for the sake of it. Cos every move, every mtg, has to be birthed from a heart that is on fire, a heart that is passionate and renewed, one that does not take things for granted or people for granted that they will do all the work. The first thing that God drilled into my FOC sem, as well as what my dad drilled into my throughout my life was to never ever use people for yr own advantage, but to always build them up to the fullest potential. This semester really taught me to appreciate people for who they are, to really try to see where they are coming from, and understand how they work. (coming fresh out of a sem where I was chair I believe there were alot of blind spots whereby last time, they had to get used to my working style but this time, I’m in a position where I have to get used to other’s working style). It really humbled me alot to look at the way others work … As during my first leadership position (FOC), as I placed so much heart and effort in it, I thought my working style was quite good w all those weekly summaries. But this semester, God really opened my mind to see the way others work, the brain and the different minds that He has given to each person, that has a unique and special ability of it’s own. If someone does things differently, it doesn’t mean that they don’t put as much heart into it… It just comes out in a different form. As humans, we can undercut the amt of heart pple put in… Humans look at the outward appearance, but only God looks at the heart. Who are we to judge the heart? N I’ve grown to love this diversity of working styles that God created cos in the first few weeks of
This sem I realized that WOO, God’s handiwork in each person is AWESOME. What most can do I can’t, n I really really thank God for opening my eyes to this…. I’m quite a high expectations sorta person, but this sem taught me~ whose expectations are u measuring it up against? If you’re a high expectations person, the only standard u can use is yrself. And it
Stems frm the pride that u place in the effort u put in. We cant expect anything frm men (let God work within each man), we can only have expectant hearts for what God is gg to do:)

Thank You God for helping me to understand and see my blind spots early in the sem and helping me overcome it, or it would’ve really hindered working r/s and move my focus off You to men.

It’s HIS kingdom we’re building… May all work with one accord, in harmony, to let His Kingdom reign (: on hindsight, when we really channel all our thinking and care and concern and love to the people around us (not only to a ministry- as ministry is all abt pple not
abt programmes) n being good stewards of the roles He had given us (student, daughter etc), the more you think abt His Kingdom — the less worry as you’re focussing on Him and not yrself — the more You leave it up to Him to care for you. And when You allow Him to take care of You, boy He really does take care of yr every need.(:

Endnote: hahaa I didn’t really do in depth reflection abt this before lol came as a write looks like blogs can function as a channel for even more reflection! Actually why is this surprising hahaha all my posts come as i write! maybe Gods trying to speak abt this As well. gtg now I’m in the mrt writing Tata!

How I can not fall in love with You every single sec min day of my life!
Your Word brightens my soul; giving purposeful meaning into every passing day~ I delight, my thoughts dance, at The immesearable height and depth of Your abounding love.
What joy faith brings! Steadfast in the knowledge of His reign, the trust in His leading, the belief in His character….
Even in the most incomprehensible, most intangible, most hazy of all situations, may my heart ever praise You, my eyes ever focussed on Your deep, beautiful eyes of love.

Fathers, be good to your daughters? (John Mayer)

Daughters, be good to your fathers too.

God has been convicting me this morning that everything you do in life starts from home. How can I say I serve God, how can I go out to serve others when I do not pay enough attention to serving my parents, doing the chores, washing the dishes etc – with the excuse that I’m busy doing ‘bigger’ things? My parers has been so gracious to me- knowing that I’m busy with sm3 and meeting up with friends (trying to redeem my hols with whatever time) they require me to only do minimum stuff. Yes they discipline me, but after awhile I forget. Their love sometimes even pushes me to ask me to go out and enjoy myself: but hey I should never ever take them for granted. Everything in ministry starts from the home; Lord remind me to never neglect to increase in my love for those that are dearest to me, and never take for granted the greatest gifts that you have given to me, and help me to cherish them every day of my life.

My dad once posted this in fb (something to this extent)-”we’re so busy growing up, we forget our parents are growing old”. May we continue to appreciate our parents by spending time with them amidst our busyness. I realize how we young pple today are so focused on our parents imperfections, we forget they are also human. They have never been parents before; it’s a journey for them, an experiment that they keep trying, a success they keep striving for despite the inadequate resources life gives to them. One thing that remains though; is their love that has persisted till now. The fact that they are yr parents today that still provides for you shows that they have not given up on us. May we continue to transmit the perfect love of our Father~ a love that does not replace but instead complements their love that sometimes may fall short. It is this constant shedding of light on His perfect love, our proddings of encouragement, our persistence in prayers for them, that I pray would make them lean on God in their journey as parents as well, and learn to be the parents that God wants them to be by focussing on the perfect role model Father we have.

God, help me to be a proper steward of the role of a daughter You have given me, and help me to always hold this role close to my heart.

When God wants …

When God wants to drill a man,

And thrill a man, and skill a man

To play the noblest part;

 

When God puts it in His heart

To create so great and bold a man

That all the world shall be amazed;

Watch His methods watch His ways;

 

How He ruthlessly perfects

Whom He royally elects;

How He hammers him and hurts him

And with mighty blows converts him

 

Intro trial shapes of clay

Which only God understands.

While his tortured heart is crying

And he lifts beseeching hands.

 

How he bends but never breaks

While his good He undertakes;

How God uses whom He chooses

And with every purpose fuses him;

Bu every act induces him

To try his splendor out - 

God knows what He’s about.

 

-Anonymous

Exams

Victory is not always about exams results etc, it’s a process characterized by trusting wholeheartedly in the Maker, and victory is found in the solid truth that He never fails. Apart from the unbelievable results You gave me which is really bonus points teeehee, i wanna thank You Father for most most of all giving me victory by letting not my trust in You fail, but keeping me steadfast in Your love and grace this sem. It was a crazy hectic semester, and a rather exciting one but most of all, it was marked by memorable instances of Your grace and showers of mercy that i’ll remember for life. It was a semester full of Your miracles. And dear God, i just wanna say from the bottom of my heart~ with You, no matter whether my life in the future will be shitty or full of trials and tribulations, with You by my side, i’ll always have my victory. with my heart placed in Your hands i’ll always find a secure hope and future. with my arms in Yours i’ll always find comfort and rest under Your wings.

Thank You Jesus,

Thank You for everything that i do not deserve.

1 Peter 1:3-9 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you do not now see him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of Your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 

Friendship

Thank you for your act of kindness, my dear friend (you know who you are ). You’re really a God given. The courage & joy you display despite everything you’re gg through has spoken volumes to me as a testimony of His goodness, and of your steadfastness in Him. I pray that you’ll continue to inspire people to be brave and to cling to Jesus, just like how you’ve inspired me. Keep growing to be a lovely woman of God mah sista:) More prayer and worship sessions to come:D

________________________________

Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Always scared of having close friends before cos thought it would be practicing favoritism, but God thank You for revealing this truth to me and lifting the deception….. Help me to appreciate every single close friend you have given me, treasure them, and not take them for granted. For honesty and transparency to characterize all our conversations, and to not let any sin or misunderstandings to get in the way but help me to always have the boldness to confess it, to be so
open and honest, so that the friendships you’ve given will be protected and covered in Your righteousness, with any work of the devil bound. May every friendship blossom and grow in You. (:

Amen.

All I want for Christmas is You!

God, you’re stripping my heart. Slowly, surely, you’re peeling away everything that i desire ~ even seemingly ‘good’ things, even answered prayers that i thought you have placed in front of me~ my will, my thoughts, my feelings: putting it through a furnace – so painful the fire so disorientating the smoke (i was lost for a moment, when i couldn’t feel You with me my heart cried out like a lost lamb seeking for it’s Shepherd) ~ you’re reducing all that i desire to just You & You alone. Your jealous love have seen how tightly i hold on to the things so dear to me, things that i once thought were dear to You too, things that i once thought You wanted in my life~ but i now see that all You want is just all of me, nothing else. You test what is closest to my heart, because You want nothing else closer to my heart than You. Proverbs 17:3.

This Abraham & Isaac experience has really taught me Father, that Your love for me is so intense. That love requires patience… complete obedience.. love that is never ever self seeking, but self sacrificial even when it was what i thought was something that would please You. You turned my mind around, taught me that Your ways are always higher than mine, Your thoughts higher…. something that i thought could bring You praise & honor , even a good desire .. if it does not fit into Your perfect plan ~ it may be good in Your sight God, but it’s not the best if it’s not Your will. it’s funny how sometimes when i think i figured what Your plan is/Your purpose is for my life, You turn around to tell me it’s how much You know about me that is more important. Because my sole purpose here on Earth is not to figure You out (i never ever will have the capacity to do so anyway), but to do Your will. And to do Your will does not require figuring You/your perfect plan out… it requires faith & obedience. Faith that makes courage rise up to step out once Your sheep hear Your voice, faith that makes obedience possible. It requires me knowing, and being so secure and so rooted in the knowledge that you know me best.

I thought a new season had come Lord, but mid sem through you revealed the second half of the sentence..  it IS coming, but it isn’t here as yet. In every new season, a preparation phase comes before it. eg. During winter, buying necessary clothes/stocking up on food/firewood is necessary to keep you away from frostbite or you’ll chill to death. Similarly, every season brings with it certain preconditions that should be set in place to pave the way for as smooth a transition as possible ~ and this testing of my love, obedience & trust in You: if it’s above every desire & longing that i feel (even those that You have placed in me)~ this testing, i pray, will create a path that would be permanent; it would pave a way that would encircle my heart & provide You permanent placement on the throne of every part my life ~ may this path made for a transitional season be marked by the fragrance of Your grace,  the edges razed as a testimony of Your guidance, the strength that You give along the way an emblem of the manna You never fail to provide….

God creates seasons as spaces where He can work through us thoroughly, removing every sin that hinders, every distraction that lurks, and dealing with it so that at the end of every season, another part of our life will be broken & surrendered.. that is breakthrough. just like a lightstick, without being broken, we can’t glow for Jesus in this dark world.

God, i’m so thankful. I’m so thankful that You are a God that is patient enough, loving enough, to discipline our hearts… to deal with us sinful creatures everyday of our lives. That really shows how much You care .. the extent that You go to discipline and to shape us more into Your likeness just makes me wanna love You more, obey You more, to do everything in my power to make sure that You would get as little heartache as possible when dealing with me .. i want to please You so, every second and minute of my life.

This Christmas is special, because You have led me through this process of rededicating my whole heart to You again. I think i’ll never go tired of giving my heart to You because every single time, when i give it back to You, You place in it a newness, a freshness, a new wholeness that makes my heart feel fuller, more confident, and braver every time i come before You.

This is the best Christmas present that i’m receiving: a bittersweet, painful process, but Your dealing with that portion of my heart makes me ever more confident to know that when i’m entering the new season in front of me, it’s not going to be brought about by the flesh, but it will be a testament solely of Your provision, not my human hands nor my human mind/manipulation that i would receive the gift, but i would be so so confident & assured that that gift will be provided by Your hand, by Your grace. It is through this confidence in You that praise and worship can genuinely flow, and that You can be given full reign and be enthroned in the next part of my life…

I can’t wait to see the work of Your hand (: